Navigating Holiday Emotions
Finding Healing and Freedom in Family Wounds
As we approach the holiday season, many of us find ourselves in a deeply emotional space. For some, this time of year is filled with joy, connection, and warmth. But for others, the holidays can bring up feelings of anxiety, loneliness, or even dread. These conflicting emotions are often linked to unresolved family issues that have shaped us in ways both seen and unseen.
In this season of togetherness, it can be difficult to escape the weight of past hurts and broken relationships. Whether it’s the pain of old wounds, the pressure to perform or be “happy,” or the challenge of navigating difficult family dynamics, the holidays can stir up emotions we may have been trying to avoid or suppress. But ignoring or pushing these feelings aside only prolongs our healing and deepens the hurt. When we avoid addressing the wounds within us, they can manifest in ways that affect our mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being. And over time, the longer we neglect them, the more difficult it becomes to move toward healing and peace.
It is important to remember that you are not alone in this. As a spiritual director, I know all too well how deeply family dynamics and unresolved issues can affect us. I, too, carry my own struggles with family and past experiences—my age or position as a pastor doesn’t provide a shield from this human reality. In fact, sometimes these roles can complicate matters even further. While I may not have all the answers or a magic formula for healing, I do know one thing: healing is possible, and it begins by acknowledging where we are and offering our pain to God.
The Path to Healing: Acknowledging and Releasing the Past
Healing does not mean we must forget or pretend that the past never happened. Nor does it require us to return to relationships that are unhealthy or toxic. In fact, true healing often begins with letting go—not of the memories or the lessons we’ve learned—but of the emotional weight that those past experiences still carry. We are not called to forget the past, but we are called to release its hold on us.
In my own journey, I’ve learned that releasing the past doesn’t mean reconciliation or forgiveness is instantaneous. Sometimes it’s a slow, painful process. But what it does mean is choosing not to carry the burden anymore. When we are able to release the expectations of how things "should have been," we create space for something new to grow. This is the work of healing. It's an act of surrender that allows us to move forward, not in denial of the past, but in the freedom to choose peace over bitterness, joy over despair, and hope over regret.
Turning Toward God: The Source of Healing and Wisdom
As we enter the holidays, it’s vital to invite God into our journey of healing. Healing is never a solitary endeavor—it is a path we walk with God, with others, and with ourselves. During times of emotional struggle, we can turn to God as a safe refuge, as the One who sees our pain and understands our hearts. God does not ask us to hide our hurts; He asks us to bring them to Him, to lay them before Him and trust that He will guide us toward restoration.
If you find yourself struggling with feelings of dread or bitterness during this season, I encourage you to turn toward God, even if just for a moment each day. Allow yourself to be vulnerable before Him. It’s okay to cry, to feel broken, to admit that you don’t have all the answers. God does not expect perfection from us—He asks for our honesty, our openness, and our willingness to let Him work in our hearts.
The act of listening to God can be transformative. In stillness and silence, God often speaks in ways that are subtle but profound. It’s not always a grand revelation, but rather a quiet invitation to release what we cannot change and to embrace the peace that surpasses understanding. The more we allow ourselves to be open to God’s presence, the more we create space for His healing touch in our lives.
Letting Go of Unhealthy Attachments and Unrealistic Expectations
One of the hardest aspects of the holiday season for many is the unspoken pressure to conform to an idealized version of family life or holiday cheer. We may have expectations of what Christmas or the New Year "should" look like, whether it’s the ideal family gathering or a sense of happiness that never quite materializes. These expectations often create a tension between what is real and what we wish was true.
If this is where you find yourself, I invite you to gently let go of these unrealistic expectations. This season does not need to be perfect for you to experience healing and renewal. You do not need to force yourself into situations that are emotionally harmful or pretend to feel joy when you are grieving. Instead, simplify. Simplify your schedule, simplify your commitments, and simplify your emotional expectations. Create space for the things that bring you life—whether that is quiet moments of reflection, spending time with people who uplift you, or simply taking time to rest.
Let go of the need to "make things work" or force changes in relationships that are not ready to heal. Instead, trust that God is working even in the midst of what feels broken. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Trust that God is at work, even in the silence, even in the waiting.
Embracing the Gift of Renewal
This holiday season, I encourage you to focus on nurturing your soul. Give yourself permission to pause, to rest, and to receive. It is not selfish to care for your emotional and spiritual well-being; in fact, it is essential. When we tend to our inner lives, we make space for the deeper work of healing.
This is also the season to release unhealthy attachments—whether that’s to people, to past hurts, or to false hopes for reconciliation. Let go of the expectation that things must be different in order for you to experience peace. Sometimes, healing begins when we accept that some things may never change, but we can still find peace and joy in the present moment.
As you navigate the emotions and challenges of the holidays, let God guide you toward freedom and wisdom. Trust that He will show you what is good for your soul and give you the strength to let go of what no longer serves you. The holidays are a season of hope, but hope doesn’t always come in the form we expect. Sometimes, hope is simply the ability to accept where we are and trust that God is with us, guiding us through the difficult seasons of life.
Know that you are loved. You are seen. And you are not alone on this journey. As you seek healing and peace this holiday season, may you feel God's presence in profound ways, and may you find freedom from the wounds of the past, embracing the joy and renewal that He desires for you.
In this, may you discover the deepest gift of all: the peace that comes from knowing God is with you, every step of the way.
